Emotions On Societal Churning

I feel extremely privileged being a teacher. 38 years of blissful moments filled with pleasure and passion are the priceless assets amassed by me during all these years. The most valued and cherished reward for a teacher is the smile, respect and contentment writ large on the faces of students sitting in the classroom. Nothing can match this priceless feeling which makes a teacher taller than the tallest.

One such day as I was busy with my routine lecture, the context got diverted to importance of moral values and principles in one’s life. As I was enjoying my passionate engagement with students, a student sitting on the rear benches suddenly raised his hand signaling his desire to say something. I made a brief pause and invited his version. Without uttering a word he came out of the row and started moving towards me. Overflowing with emotions and expressions of respect, he bowed and literally placed his forehead on my feet and unfolded his love. I also got emotionally soaked in the sentiments expressed by him. On the spur of the moment I hugged him. He very respectfully placed his head on my shoulders and I blessed him with a kiss on his head amidst overflowing emotions in the entire class.

A couple of years later, a girl student followed me to my room after the class was over and hesitantly but candidly showed her intent to talk to me.

Sir I respect you from the core of my heart so much so that I regard you more than my father, She said. Being your student I have developed a knack for teaching and I want to be a teacher like you.

She continued fully drenched in emotions and sentiments of regard and respect. I in all humility told her that it is only a student who makes a good teacher. “What I am today is only because of you, the students” I very affectionately told her. I wanted to affectionately hug her but I did not, some instinct stopped me. I wanted to reciprocate my love by holding her close to me but I did not, I wanted to bless her with a kiss on head as I usually do to my daughter but I did not dare to. The girl stood there with some expectation writ large on her face. I also stood there with some uneasy confusion gripping me hard. “Sir I shall not go until you at least place your hand on my head and bless me as your own daughter” she asserted. I hesitantly but heartily put my hand on her head and wished her all happiness in life.

She left the room leaving me to jostle with the inner conflict which got brewed instantly and stirred my soul. My conscience and cognitive rationality entered into an unexplained dual making me a culprit in my own eyes. Why I hesitated to put hand on her head? Why I could not affectionately hug her the way I hugged that boy? Was I not true to myself? The internal conflict and dilemma with regard to call of conscience and societal norms and conventions hovered and continue to hover over my cerebral churning. The ignominious incidents of gender exploitation and rape by some black sheep in our noble profession abet negative perceptions causing doubt in this pious relationship. Incidents of father sexually exploiting the daughter have also started surfacing. Would the society start developing negative perceptions with regard to this relationship too ? The love, the trust, the pious bond, the innocence is getting sinfully robbed of its purity because of some filthy and nefarious designs of the human beings who happen to mold the society and its principles. The voice of my soul seems hijacked by the cognitive awareness bred into my mind by the society we live in. Would I hesitate to hug my daughter the way I hesitated hugging my student? The question disturbs me deep inside but remains unanswered and entangled in the web of societal norms.

- Dr. SANJEEV TRIKHA

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